97 . . .

last christmas, i broke down and promised kidlet we'd have a tree this year.  yeah, it's sort of been missing in action since we lost the 9TS.

i grew up with real trees.  i love them.  yes, i know they shed all over the floor and they're hard to maneuver, and they get sticky, and need to be watered, but i love them anyway. they smell sooooo good.   i finally gave into the 9TS, who grew up with fake trees, the year he wasn't feeling so hot.  that christmas the fake tree moved in with us.

the tree worked for several years.  and i have to admit, it was certainly easier to put up and take down, especially since the deal was that he would put it up and i would dress it.  we would spend the afternoon,  he went first while i sat in front of the fire sipping cocoa and then he would sit while i trimmed.  sometimes we could con kidlet into dressing the tree and we both sipped something a little stronger.  good times.

kidlet and i tried to set the tree up the winter after we lost the 9TS.  it was pitiful.  we couldn't get it together.  a string of lights was out and there was a cockroach.  the tree unceremoniously hit the trash.

since then, my heart just hadn't been in it and there hasn't been a christmas trees in the cave.  but every year, i would see the sadness in kidlet's eyes.  and so, last year i finally realized it wasn't all about me.

today, she picked up a tree.  it's seven feet and pre-lit.  her eyes are smiling.  it is time to let her be happy . . . and me too.