moving on . . .

richard, husband of my friend tara, who passed away last fall, has moved on and he and carrie are, as facebook puts it, "in a relationship".  i love that he is happy again.  he tended to tara for the long ten years she battled ovarian cancer.  daniel, their son, is almost ready for college, and his very own new relationships sure to follow.  the posted pictures show affection, warmth and all the other emotions that move ones soul.  they are dear to see.

susan, who lost her dear husband jim, a little over a year ago, also posted that she was now "in a relationship".  i am so happy she is happy.  susan is a wonderful soul, she deserves every ounce of joy that comes her way. 

so why am i so torn?  while i am truly thrilled they have moved on and found that comfort that envelops the heart, i am still beyond sad that the 9TS is no longer with me. and i am not discounting that they still have huge caverns in their hearts for their tara and jim, because i believe that with all that i am.

i'm not sure if it is because i don't want to move on or i don't know how to.  i miss the companionship of my best friend.  i still miss watching him do the south philly shuffle.  i miss his touch.  heck, i even miss his odorous farts. maybe that is the point.  i miss living with the person who i feel so comfortable with that anything goes. 

so here i am. for now, i am content.  if things change somewhere down the line, good for me.  if they don't, then good for me too.  life just keeps flowing . . .

p.s.  our visas came today.