insomnia . . .

i can lean over and turn the night light off, why can't i turn off my brain.  nothing but good news lately yet that little rascal keeps running and running and running.  and the wheel squeaks and keeps me awake.

i have ambien but i don't like to use it.  gives me ambien brain and i have enough problems with lost memory cells.

i can also take half of an ativan but not for long so that stays in my 'case of emergency' stash . . . of course i consider it a case of emergency if i am still wide awake at four a.m.

tapping isn't working and it usually does.  what's not to love about tapping your hand, face, neck, chest and top of your head while repeating a mantra.  unless of course your mantra is "GO THE F*CK TO SLEEP read by Samuel L. Jackson.  kind of counter productive.

4.7.8. breathing isn't working but that's kind of funky anyway.  i get so caught up remembering to inhale through the nose for a four count, hold for a seven count, exhale for an eight count with your tongue glued to the roof of your mouth, that sleep is the furthest thing from my mind.

calm.com has a great little freebie program in 10 or 30 minute intervals but i worry i'll fall asleep and leave my iPad on all night.  what?  who does that?  moi!

i love lavender oil but for some reason, it's not working.  smells great for hours.  tick. tick. tick.

turn off brain.  now.

on the other hand, being awake all night gives me a chance to check out the beasties sleeping habits.  ninja sleeps half falling out of her bed while snoring softly.  if it's cold out, she stays completely tucked in but this time of year she just sort of oozes out one side and across the bed.  must be cooler that way.  bear sleeps patiently at the foot of the bed.  he snuffles.  and twitches.  but stays pretty much asleep until 6:45 at which time he decides it's time to rise and shine and EAT, but that's a whole 'nother story.  then there is pippin.  she sleeps in my crotch.  yep, it's true, she's a crotch sleeper.  i roll over.  she gets. up.  i settle in.  she settles in.  repeat ad nauseam all night.  you'd think she'd get tired of nesting each time i roll over and pick somewhere less active to sleep but nope, she's addicted.

1:28 a.m.  come on brain, cut me a break.  whine.