evil airlines . . .

oh, the audacity of the new baggage rules. One free bag no more than 23kg or 158 cm. Huh? Yep, I had to look it up. A 50 lb/62 linear inch maximum before you have to pay through the nose or bring a second bag and then pay through the nose. Ouch. Last year, it was two free bags at 70 lbs each. Three people times $50 each x round trip = pack light guys, and jettison absolutely anything non-essential. Which means throw out the shampoo and creme rinse and anything else already provided, unpack the cat, her diet isn't working, pick a color scheme and stay with it, dress like Heidi when boarding . . . there being no weight limit on humans, and plan on going barefoot . . . a lot!

And then there is the issue of carry on. Two different carriers means two different sets of rules, which means we have to pack for the greater of the two evils, which comes to 45 linear inches/17 pounds per person plus a pocketbook. Thankfully, the 9TS is purse-less, so that gives us a little leeway.

So I have chosen black and white. A black and white suit for the plane, black crops, white crops, black and white checkered crops. Three white tops, three black tops, one black and white top. Black and white dress, black dress pants with white ruffled blouse, black and white skirt with black top, black shawl. White sneakers, black heels, black sandals, black and white flops, one brown and white bathing suit. What? Brown! OK, so I'm off kilter just a tad. Does that surprise anyone? White cover up. Whitening tooth paste.

Did you know if you type white, one too many times, it starts to look weird and you wonder if you are spelling it correctly? True!

So we are going to have to do a trial run to see where we stand. And I may be putting in an SOS to LLBean for two more canvas bags and forgo our wheelies.

Would I care for a pillow, blanket, soft drink, head phones, rubber chicken dinner . . . only a slight charge? No thanks, I, Alpine child, having surpassed the Pillsbury dough boy in padding, will have no need for either pillow or blanket thank you. Head phones? No thanks, I brought my iPod, oh and some power bars, but I would love some water . . . mine being confiscated at boarding . . .

But once deposited at our destination, the airline greed will be a forgotten memory and I will sing their praises for dropping us in paradise. That is at least, if our luggage arrives with us.