If you've been hanging around for any length of time, you know that life in the cave can be a little stressful at times as it relates to the medical end of the 9TS. Truthfully, it's like living in a theme park run amuck where the merry-go-round never stops, the roller coaster has no brakes and the fun house just ain't fun. Yup, that bad. And I can't handle it alone, so along with tapping, yoga, copious cabernet consumption, therapy and better living through chemistry, I live a slightly altered and often medicated life that lets me enjoy the goodness. Does that surprise you?
There have been weeks on end waiting for a PET scan to tell us the melanoma has been vanquished once again . . . that alone is enough to send one screaming down the hall to the medicine cabinet. Or worse, telling us that it is back . . . I'll have another glass of vino, please. And then the surgeries . . . losing that wretched toe, and a third of a lung, being the worst but certainly not the only . . . as his eldest mentioned, the 9TS is beginning to look a little like Frank-in-stein. Get it?!?!
Just the thought of losing the love of my life sends me to dark, dark places . . . sends spasms through my guts and tears me apart into a thousand little pieces. And so I tap when I get anxious, pop an ambien when I can't sleep. And I see a psychiatrist who keeps me in sanity inducing Lexapro and Ativan and I OM my little heart out. And you know what? It works for me.
I have reached a pretty sane plateau where I have learned to just enjoy the present. To revel in today. To not worry about tomorrow or the next day. And life is just as lovely as can be under the circumstances.
I promised myself, I would keep the misery of fear locked in my second blog 'Onomatopoeia' named so because nothing sounds more fearful then the word cancer, and off of 'orjustme'. I'm breaking this promise just this one time . . . so if you think I'm a little off the wall, or slightly bonkers, or most important, being cavalier or cheeky about Frank's battle, I assure you, I am not. I am just trying to deal. And that's the truth.
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4 comments:
HUGS, my friend!
To paraphrase..."it's your blog, you can cry if you want to". And I doubt that anyone who knows you would ever think you were being cavalier or cheeky. I'm betting most, if not all, of us who have had to deal with similar situations have used humor as their safety valve. I know it certainly helped keep me from going completely off the deep end many times. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with better living through chemisty. Heck, I could sure use some of that right now! Much love and many prayers coming your way, Jeanne.
Jeanne,
I know the nights can seem endless. The offer stands. When you feel that you are the only one in the world, not sleeping, call me. Chances are I'm awake with you.
I believe in better life through chemistry,also. Some nights it even works.
WC
I think we all go thru this thing called life a bit left of center. It's the dark humor that gets us through. You don't need to 'splain yourself to anyone. And if anyone wants to challenge you as to the whyfors, you send them to me and I'll show 'em!
Hugs to you and all your "helpers", whatever they may be!
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