chick(en-less) peas . . .

Ever since our roasted chicken dinner Thursday night, I have been salivating over the thought of a homemade chicken salad sammie.  I like to make it with big chunks of white chicken, chopped celery, mayo, a little mustard, a dash of lemon and a passel of dill, chilled well, served on lightly toasted rye with a little romaine . . . my fave!!!!   Oh, and don't assume I will eat chicken salad anywhere but home where I know I cut off anything and every thing that resembled a chicken part other than boneless, skinless, cartilage-less, fat free breast.  Have you seen this video????

So there I am cutting up chicken . . .  a piece for the pot, a piece for me, a piece for the kitten.  I chopped the celery . . . crisp and young.  I mixed the mayo, mustard, lemon, salt and pepper dressing ready to be added . . . and then sprinkled the chicken and celery with dill,  which at first did not want to come out of the spice bottle.  Hum.  I knew I had a second bottle so I tried that.  Same result.  I finally resorted to finding my glasses and taking a good look.  I wish I hadn't.

The dill was furry.  Black and furry.  MOLDY.  Bleck!   Now I know you're thinking the obvious thing was to chuck the whole mess down the drain but I was whimpering.   I really, really wanted that sammie, so I reached for the strainer and gave the chicken and celery a bath.  Yes, I did.  Patted it dry, added the dressing and stirred  . . .   until my conscience niggled in my head.   Visions of ptomaine flashed through my brain . . . endless hours of cramping while clinging to the foot of the porcelain goddess.  A trip to the ER and having to explain my stupidity was the last straw.  Little tears flowed down my cheeks as I flicked on the garbage disposal and waved my lunch goodbye. 

Not wanting to suffer in silence, I called the 9TS at the gym for commiseration.  I heard the chuckle start low in his belly, whoosh past his breast bone, up his throat and ready to explode into a full blown guffaw.  I simply hung up. 

So what am I doing for lunch?  Guess I'll resort to mixing a mess of chick(en-less) peas, quartered artichoke hearts and sliced hearts of palm, drizzled with olive oil and seasoned with kosher salt and pepper.  Sigh.